I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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