I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
