Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
