Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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