Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
