Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
