Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
