there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
