im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
