You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
