I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
