im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
