you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
