Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
