he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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