worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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