So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
