She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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