drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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