Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
