One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
