remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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