i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wear drunk well.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
