so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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