my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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