Whod you bang
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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