apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
