he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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