i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
