I swear she didn't look like that last week.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
