Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
