STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
