I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
