we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
