Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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