I want to make a zoo with you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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