i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
