I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
