if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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