I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
