A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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