he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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