"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
