Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
