No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
