Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
