yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
