We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
