My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
