just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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