I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
