So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
