so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
