woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
