Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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