omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
