I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
