If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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